Monthly Archives: May 2012

Tough

Tough is the only way to describe this past week.  I have had so many thoughts running through my head at any given moment, to the point where I honestly believe my brain will just shut down to give me a break.  Of course, that hasn’t happened yet.

Things haven’t been the same with my boyfriend and mine’s relationship in awhile.  We have become so comfortable and so stuck in routine that I now consider him more of a friend than my boyfriend.  So on Sunday, I suggested that he move back to his house for awhile, just so we could kind of gather our thoughts and take a step back.  My first night sleeping alone without him next to me was, as terrible as it makes me feel, a relief.  I was shocked to learn that I simply did not miss him.  Amongst this feeling of relief was also a stronger, more troubling thought.  How can I not miss someone that I have been with for two years?  We have been attached at the hip for so long, and now that he’s gone, how terrible of a person must I be to not even miss him?

That thought stuck with me since Sunday, so on Tuesday, I broke it off.  I told him that we needed our own identities and we need to be able to find happiness outside of each other, which is completely true.  After two years of being together day in and day out, we have lost ourselves to each other, and not in a good way.  I couldn’t go out with friends without worrying if he’d be mad when I got home because I was an hour late.  I had to stay home while he was at work because I didn’t want to make him feel bad that I was having fun without him.  It was messed up.  I know he wasn’t blatantly attempting to control me, but I began to feel as if dealing with the repercussions of, say, staying out until bar close with my friends wasn’t worth the fun I might have.  I changed to accommodate his feelings, but I lost myself in the process.

As if this wasn’t complicated enough, all of these things have been accompanied by the return of my ex.  We hung out recently with a bunch of our friends, and by the end of the night he was begging me to come back to him.  Normally I would brush this off and blame it on the alcohol that was involved, but he has been talking to me every day since.  Since I’m already rambling I will spare you the details, but I know he’s sincere when he says he wants to be with me again.

I haven’t eaten or slept in four days.  I am just beside myself, unable to handle all of these emotions.  I feel so terribly for my boyfriend, or ex I guess, because he is just so upset with what has happened.  I feel like a horrible person for dropping so much on him, and now I’ve kind of backed myself into a corner by saying that this isn’t permanent and it’s necessary for us to take a step back, just to spare his feelings.  I hate seeing him so upset, but the reality is that I don’t think I want to be with him anymore.  Also, I have had such a great time with the old ex, and it has been years since we dated so I know things could be different this time.  It is just so refreshing to have someone tell you how great you are after being stuck in such a difficult relationship for so long.

But I don’t know what to do.

And I’m tired of making myself sick over it.

And I’m just going to shut up now.

If you somehow made it to the end of this post, I commend you.  I don’t think I’ll even be able to read this through, so my apologies for completely wasting your time with this one.  I promise my next post will not be so…ridiculous.

Holly, not Hollie 

 

EDIT: I just saw my horoscope for today after writing this post.  Just thought I should share the irony with you guys.

You are feeling at peace and very good about yourself now. Others express appreciation for the help and support you have given them, which makes you feel that your efforts have been worthwhile. Your daily life and activities run smoothly and everything is in good working order. You are particularly well-organized now and your domestic life is harmonious.
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Aw, You Shouldn’t Have!

The past couple of days have been kind of rough for me (hence my lack of posting), so I was so pleased to log onto WordPress today and see that Tomarto Soup had nominated me for the One Lovely Blog Award!

Nominated by Tomarto Soup

This is my first award, so I’m very excited.  I would really like to thank Tomarto Soup for nominating me.  It’s nice to know that the things I post on here are actually read (and enjoyed!) by someone.

That said, apparently it is required to share a few little facts about myself, so here goes.

Reveal seven unknown facts about yourself

  1. My middle name is Kathleen.  I was named after my great-grandma who has since passed away, and my parents were debating between her first name, Ruth, or middle name, Kathleen.  I thank my lucky stars every day that they chose the latter.
  2. I am obsessed with HGTV (although I’m sure some of you have figured this out by now).  I will drop everything to watch House Hunters, Property Brothers, or Love It or List It.  It’s kind of sad, actually.
  3. I have clubbed thumbs (also known as toe thumbs), which are the same kind of thumbs that Megan Fox has.  Yes, they look weird, but I can still do the same things as anyone with normal thumbs.  Although texting sometimes gets difficult.
  4. I tore my ACL and broke my hand from playing rugby in high school.
  5. I am 5’8 (1.72 m) and my boyfriend is 5’10.  This has become somewhat of a problem since summer began, because I can’t wear wedges without him feeling emasculated.  This is also a problem because I am a shopping addict, and can’t help but buy new wedges every chance I get.
  6. I have my ears and my belly button pierced.  It literally took years to convince my mom about the navel piercing, only to have her tell me how cute it looked after I finally did it.
  7. I taught myself how to knit, and I’m hoping to teach myself how to sew and crochet by the end of the summer.

I am also supposed to nominate seven other blogs for this award.  So, in no particular order…

  1. George. Jessie. Love.  I am in love with this woman’s story.  Her blog details her daughter’s transition from male to female at the young age of ten years old.  It is truly inspiring and intriguing to read about this firsthand experience with a transgendered child, and I wish her all the best.
  2. weekendknitterblog  It’s no secret that I love everything knitting, so when I saw this blog on Freshly Pressed, I was ecstatic.  I’m nowhere near as creative as she is, but her blog always gives me ideas and definitely makes me want to start spinning my own wool!
  3. Self Professed Product Obsessed In addition to knitting, I love makeup.  Therefore, I love this blog.  Malia is always giving reviews and posting her thoughts about different hair, face, nail, you-name-it products.  She has become my go-to blog for everything beauty related.
  4. Jody Blonde  Caution: this girl is funny!  I am always laughing when I read her blog and I love how down-to-earth she seems.  She writes about anything and everything, and I always look forward to her blog posts.
  5. Blogging Runner  I am always so impressed with this girl’s motivation.  Once known as The Weight Run Down, Blogging Runner is always listing her accomplishments regarding working out, eating, and overall obstacles she encounters in her daily life.  Since the beginning of her blogging journey, she has lost a lot of weight, and reading her blog always makes me feel like if she can do it, I can do it too.
  6. kaftan to bikini This girl is always posting inspirational quotes and pictures to aid her on her weight loss journey.  What she might not know, though, is that those quotes are helping people like me too.  I think it’s super important to have access to these little bits of motivation, especially when you’re not feeling all that great about working out or eating healthy.  Her blog is really great for people who need that little extra pick-me-up to get moving.
  7. Hummusbird  I love this blog.  Brigette is always posting such pretty things, whether it be pictures she took while walking around town or crafty, neat ideas to spice up a room.  This is the ultimate inspiration blog, in my opinion, and I always love everything she posts.

Once again, I really appreciate this nomination and I am so glad to be able to share these other blogs that I love with you guys!

Hope you’re all having a great Memorial Day!

Holly, not Hollie

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Windy Days and Afghans

Today is a beautiful day in Wisconsin.  84 degrees and not a cloud in the sky.  The only thing that has put a damper on my day is the fact that it is windier outside than a Category 4 hurricane.  Okay, maybe not a Category 4, but at least a Category 2.  I have been picking up umbrellas, cushions, lawn furniture, you name it.  It seems like every time I go outside, there is another pillow or umbrella I have to chase across the lawn before it gets out into the road.  Thank god it’s not garbage day.

So, since it’s so windy out and I’m sick of bugs hitting me in the face, I have decided to hole up in my room for a bit until the tornado outside dies down.  I decided to start a new afghan for my dad’s birthday/Father’s Day.  His birthday is four days after Father’s Day, so I’m not sure yet for which occasion he’ll get it.

I decided to go with a mixture between brown and red because when I went to Michael’s to get more of the brick color, they were all out!  Then, I went to Joann Fabrics, and they didn’t have it either!  What kind of crafting store doesn’t have my color of yarn, especially because that’s where I got the color from in the first place?  So basically, I had to choose another color to continue the afghan, because I have no idea when they will get it in stock again.  Oh well.  Hopefully it doesn’t end up looking too weird.

My camera skills suck.

I hope you’re all having a great Thursday!

Holly, not Hollie

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Six Things I Love Sunday: May 20

1. Anthropologie

Why? This is one thing I really shouldn’t be loving.  It makes me sick thinking that I willingly spent $78 on a lacy tank top.  NO ONE needs to be spending that kind of money on something so simple.  But with housewares, trinkets, and clothing so cute, how do you possibly resist?  I know I can’t.

 

2. A Stolen Life by Jaycee Dugard

Why? I had heard of Jaycee’s story before I knew she had a book.  Abducted in 1991 at the age of eleven, Jaycee spent eighteen years living with her captors before she was finally rescued.  This book is written autobiographically and the majority of it is about her time spent living in the backyard of Phillip and Nancy Gariddo, her kidnappers.  Dugard is not a writer by any means, but if you can look past her simplistic writing style, her story is truly amazing.

 

3. Rainy days

Why? To me, there is nothing more calming than laying in bed, reading a book, and hearing the rain pour onto the roof.  I’m not a huge fan of thunderstorms, but rain itself is one of the most exquisite things, in my book.  I especially welcome the rain in the summer.  It gives me a nice break from the heat, since my house is rarely air conditioned.

 

4. Organization/Order

What I wouldn’t give.

Why? Living with my boyfriend, it is often difficult for me to put things in their places and keep them there.  Nearly everyday, I find myself cleaning my room, putting controllers, colognes, books, what have you back in their proper place, only to realize that everything is in complete disarray by bedtime.  I have tried countless times to force my boyfriend to clean up after himself, and he typically obliges for a day or two and then it all goes to hell again.  So, for those rare few days where everything is in its place, I find myself really savoring the organization.  It also doesn’t help that I have way too many things for way too little of a space, so my room tends to look cluttered very quickly.  I suppose I could always get rid of some stuff, but I don’t think I could truly embrace the minimalist lifestyle.

 

5. Survivor

Why? When it comes to TV, there are two categories that trump all others for me: reality and game shows.  Needless to say, this is why I love all things Survivor, Amazing Race, Big Brother, etc.  The most recent season of Survivor just ended on Wednesday, and I’m a little bit heartbroken.  I love nothing more than watching people compete in challenges and the like, so I’m kind of wondering what to do with myself TV-wise until another season comes along.

 

6. Payless

Just bought these a few days ago. Too cute.

Why? Call me cheap, but I love a good deal.  That’s why I love Payless.  I’m really not a shoe person, but Payless gets me every time.  I always find something cute there, and I never pay more than I think something’s worth.  Plus, I think I can afford to be a little frugal at times, especially when I’m buying $80 tanks.

What are you guys loving right now?

Holly, not Hollie

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I Can’t Write.

Tomorrow, I have a meeting with a man who wants me to ghost write a book for him.  He has the outline complete, and he has chosen me, out of everyone, to write this book.  I am thoroughly honored, seeing as I am still a college student and he is a successful businessman with innumerable resources at his fingertips.  Plus, this is exactly the type of experience I have been looking for.  I have wanted to write a book for so long, but I can never bring my ideas to fruition.  I think part of me is scared that once I start writing, I will realize that I’m not cut out to be a creative writer, and my entire life’s goal will go out the window.  So clearly it makes sense to just not even try and save myself the disappointment, right?

I realize that I write all the time for this blog, but it’s really not the same.  I’m not creating characters and story lines and dialogue here.  I’m just writing about my life.  I don’t worry about it sounding perfect or making sense, because I don’t feel like writing on this blog is something I should stress about.  This is an escape for me, and this is where I can talk about whatever I want. And if that means I don’t have thousands of followers and three hundred views a day, so be it.  But the last thing I want is to begin writing this book, only to realize that I’m not as good of a writer as I thought.  I have paid thousands of dollars to become a writer one day (thanks to college) without ever having the chance to actually test out the waters in the writing field.  What if it turns out that I’m the shittiest writer who has ever set a pen to paper, and everyone was just humoring me this whole time?  What do I do with an English degree then, save for saying screw it and becoming a manager at McDonalds?  Not that there’s anything wrong with McDonalds, but I didn’t go to college for three years to to end up flipping burgers for the rest of my life.  Okay, sorry, I’m rambling.

I guess I’ll have to see how it goes.  I have faith in myself that I can write a good novel.  Maybe not a best seller, but an entertaining read at the very least.  I don’t even know the outline or genre of the book yet, so I have no idea why I’m stressing so much.  Chances are, I will be able to dedicate this summer to completing a well-written piece of work that I can be proud of.  It’s just the what if that’s nerve-wracking.

How do you feel about starting a new project or something you’ve never done before?

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Only One Exam and Paper To Go…

I think this is the longest I’ve gone without posting since I started this blog.  I remember when I first started blogging a few months ago, I had convinced myself that I would post every day, no matter what, about interesting and insightful topics.

Then life got in the way.

This week is my finals week.  Yesterday consisted of a four page paper, an exam, and two reviews and memos for other classmates.  Today will be finishing up my fifteen page paper for my Social Media class (I’m at six pages right now) and taking my final exam for another class.  Then I will officially be done with my junior year of college, which sounds really scary to me.

Last week was a lot of the same.  Trying to get things together for peer reviews, studying for Biology and Environmental Science, and catching up on all of the articles I skipped for my film class.  I was really going strong until spring break (which, mind you, was about two months ago).  After that, my motivation essentially became nonexistent, which is why I am now frantically trying to get my shit together before the semester ends.

My life at this point.

On a lighter note, during this crazy past week, I still managed to create a really beautiful afghan for my boyfriend’s mom for Mother’s Day.  Once again, I finished it at the eleventh hour, with literally an hour to spare.  And, once again, I didn’t have the time to take a decent picture of it, mostly because for each picture I put up on here, I take about fifteen others that I discard due to lighting, blurriness, etc.  I really just need a new camera.  Or maybe I need to learn to take better pictures.  Nah, let’s blame the camera.

Unfortunately, my relentless studying has also pushed my P90X workouts to the back burner.  I completed four workouts in the last week, which isn’t bad, but I definitely don’t have the results to show for it.  I have lost no weight, no inches, no nothing.  I’m pretty sure my vegging out while studying probably counteracted anything I burned during the workouts.  This week should be better, since my boyfriend will be participating more now that he’s done with school and has more free time.  He’s pretty much my main motivator when it comes to working out, so I’m really relying on him to continue this P90X journey with me.

I hope you all had a great Mother’s Day and weekend!

Holly, not Hollie

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I Might Have the Best Job Ever

No really, it’s true.  Thanks to Elance, I just got hired as a personal dating assistant.

I know what you’re thinking.  Is that even real? Or, how does that work? Or even perhaps, where can I sign up?

My “manager” (that sounds way too weird for the circumstances) posted an ad on Elance for someone to manage her and her boyfriend’s dating life.  He has a dating assistant too, so essentially, we just come up with fun, adventurous ideas for dates and send them there.  Oh, and did I mention I’m getting paid $10 an hour to do this?

I know.  It’s unreal.

We had a nice little Skype interview, since she, her boyfriend, and the other assistant all live in New York while I’m stuck out in Wisconsin.  They both seem really fun and spunky and I can’t wait to get started.  It’s almost like living vicariously through them, since I am nowhere near wealthy enough to go out on the dates that I’ve already got cooked up for them.

The other dating assistant and I also are in charge of some different social media sites on which we keep track of everything we’re doing in this unique experience.  You can check them out here:

Banter: https://banters.com/wall/secretary-of-romance
Another Banter for the assistants: http://thehelp.banters.com

Tumblr: http://secretaryofromance.tumblr.com (nothing up here yet, but stay tuned!)

Another thing you guys should check out is Bianca (that’s my…manager?)’s tumblr.  So creative and fun!

Well that’s all for today!  Hope you all had a wonderful Wednesday!

Holly, not Hollie

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Day 2 of P90X: P is for Plyometrics

P is also for pathetic, which is the best way to describe my boyfriend and I today during out exercises.

Let me put it this way: we didn’t even make it through the whole workout.

Before today, I hadn’t the slightest idea what plyometrics was.  Apparently it involves a lot of jumping, squatting, and sweating, at least in my case.  Not necessarily something that’s good for someone with a bad knee, but it turns out that my knee was the least of my problems.  My quads and hamstrings started seizing up halfway through the workout, so I had to stop.  Now, it’s all I can do to get out of bed without groaning in pain.

I thought yesterday’s arms and chest workout was bad, but that was nothing compared to today.

Tony Horton, you will be the death of me.

Tomorrow is shoulders and arms.  Sounds like more pull ups and pushups like yesterday.  Oh joy. Wish me luck.

Holly, not Hollie

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Day One of P90X

There is only one way to describe the first day of P90X: a struggle.  It hurts to even lift my arms to the laptop to type this post, so I can only imagine how I’ll feel come the morning.  My boyfriend and I did the 60 minute chest and arms workout, and collapsed on the floor full of relief when it was over, only to realize that the DVD kept going and we still had 15 minutes of the Ab Ripper to do.  We made it through about eight minutes then called it quits.

As painful as the workouts were, I’m still excited to be doing this program.  Normally after a workout I’m ready to commit myself to a life on the couch eating potato chips by the bag, but not today.  My motivation is high, and it helps that I wrote down all my  measurements and weighed myself beforehand.  Seeing those numbers everyday will help keep me motivated to eat right, work through the program, and hopefully lead a healthier lifestyle from here on out.

Now, I have to finish my 12 page paper and I have a date with my hot tub later.  Hope you all had a great Sunday!

Holly, not Hollie

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Six Things I Love Sunday: May 6

Hello all!  Today is going to be a busy posting day for me.  I posted earlier this morning about receiving P90X, and I’ve decided that every day I will post about my progress with the program.  And of course, I can’t forget about Six Things Sunday!  So here we go.

 

1. Pinterest

Why? At first I was a little slow on the uptake with this site, but I’ve come to love it.  For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, Pinterest is a virtual pinboard on which you pin photos of anything you want.  You can organize the pins in folders too, so you can easily access exactly which pin you want.  Unlike a lot of people I follow on Pinterest, I actually use the pins that I post.  It’s a great place to find new recipes, gets some crafting inspiration, or even learn new workouts, among a multitude of other things.  I suggest you check it out, and while you’re at it, go ahead and follow me. 🙂

2. Wedges

Why? When it comes to heels, these are my shoe of choice.  I am not a girl that can wear sky high stilettos without breaking an ankle or two, so wedges are my go-to option if I want to add some height.  Plus, nothing says summer like a cute pair of wedges.  I’m sorry, but when I’m walking around Summerfest later this year, the last thing I want is to trip and spill my $6 Miller Lite everywhere while getting my stiletto stuck in some random crack in the ground.  Wedges will ensure that this will not happen.

 3. Jeopardy!

What a guy.

Why? I have been watching this show for years.  And when I say years, I mean a decade.  I remember spending weekends at my dad’s house when I was younger, and on Friday nights we would always watch Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune back to back because he didn’t have cable.  This early exposure turned me into a Jeopardy! fiend.  I watch the show almost every single day, and I can’t get enough of Alex Trebek’s dry wit.  My ultimate goal in life is to be on this show, but I’d be lucky if I could even beat a monkey.  Oh well.  A girl can dream, right?

4. Nook Color by Barnes and Noble

 

Why? I used to be an avid reader.  When I was younger, I would plow through books like my life depended on it.  Even in school, while the teacher was talking, I would be reading textbooks and taking notes ahead of time just because I enjoyed doing it (nerd status, right?).  Surprisingly, this love for note-taking has stuck with me as I’ve gotten older, but for awhile, I completely stopped reading for pleasure.  After I started college, I was so overwhelmed with my course load that the last thing I wanted to do was pick up a book and read it for fun.  Then, I got my Nook for Christmas, and I haven’t put it down.  Since December, I have read 21 books, which is more than I had read in the last four years combined.  I know that a lot of people hate tablets because you don’t get the actual feel of holding a book, turning its pages, etc.  I had these same worries too.  But once you get past the electronic-ness of the Nook, it’s so much better than lugging a book around with you.  I can access thousands of books with a simple touch.  I get magazine subscriptions, many of which have a free monthly trial.  Plus, I’ve found free knitting patterns on my Nook, which is great for when I need a simple project to work on and don’t feel like buying a book of patterns.  Okay, I’m rambling now.  Long story short, I love my Nook, and you should definitely check it out.

5. Neutrogena Nourishing Eyeliner

Why? I received this in my BzzAgent campaign box a couple weeks ago, but Friday was the first time I got around to using it.  I went through a pretty intense eyeliner phase in my teens, and I now cringe realizing how much a raccoon and I had in common.  The past few years, I’ve opted for a more natural look, which requires me shunning eyeliner altogether.  Until Friday.  My friend and I went out to the bars, so I thought I’d give this eyeliner a try.  Not only did it make my eyes pop, but it comes with a smudger, providing me with a perfect smoky eye.  I had never been able to get the smoky eye down before, but the smudger really made all the difference.  The eyeliner comes in four different colors, and it’s only $7.49 on Neutrogena’s website.

6. That Moment When You Finish a Really Long Paper

Precisely.

Why? I don’t think this even needs an explanation.  I have a 12 page paper due tonight about social media.  Haven’t even started.  Wish me luck!

Holly, not Hollie

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