Category Archives: Life

Happy Father’s Day, Dad

There is something to be said about a relationship between a father and a daughter.  I am not a “Daddy’s girl” by any means, but my experiences with my father have made me into the person I am today, perhaps moreso than my experiences with my mom.

My dad taught me how to be strong.  My parents divorced with I was five years old due to my father’s adultery and alcoholism.  I learned of this as a fact only recently, but there were many instances where I knew things were not right.  I remember standing on the side of the freeway with my brother, waiting for my mom to come pick us up because my dad had gotten pulled over and was being arrested for his third DUI.  While my dad was in handcuffs and being carted off, I was calming my brother and telling him that everything would be okay.  By the time I was twelve, I had learned the signs of drunkenness vs. sobriety, and I knew when to call my mom to pick us up instead of risking mine and my brother’s life by getting in the car with my father.

My dad taught me how to drive.  He fell asleep behind the wheel once when I was ten, and I had to steer us over to the side of the road whilst frantically trying to wake him up.  To this day, he refuses to believe this really happened.

My dad taught me independence.  As I aged, I realized that I didn’t have to see him every Tuesday, Thursday, and every other weekend like the courts had agreed upon so many years ago.  I learned that I had a say in my visits with him, and I chose to take a hiatus from his presence for a few years.

My dad taught me how to stand up for myself.  I learned that sometimes, it’s okay to say no.  It’s okay to go against the advice of an elder, especially if you don’t think they know what’s best for you.  And mostly, it’s okay to talk back and stand your ground if you don’t believe in what they are preaching.

My dad taught me forgiveness.  Despite his shortcomings, he is my father.  There is nothing I can do to change his actions of the past, but I can do anything I want about the future.  I learned how to forgive nights spent entertaining myself while he was passed out on the couch.  I learned to forgive the fact that he slept with my babysitter while my brother and I were waiting for him to take us home.  I learned to forgive his faults, his past actions, all the things he has said and done.  But I will not forget.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad.  Despite everything, I still love you.

Holly, not Hollie

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Car Doors and Chivalry

Last night, I went out for dinner and drinks with my ex-boyfriend.  Not the old ex, but the most recent one, in case you’ve been following my dating woes as of late.  We talked and had a nice time over a couple of beers, and, when we got to the car, he opened the door for me.  I was absolutely floored.

“What a gentleman!”

I know this may seem like such a small, meaningless gesture, but I have grown up in an age where chivalry is essentially nonexistent.  How often do you see a twenty-one year old male opening car doors for women?  Certainly not around where I live.  I feel that, in an age where women are all gung-ho about their femininity and being powerful, men have taken a woman’s strength as an excuse to back off on common courtesies, such as opening doors.  I hate this.  Just because a woman is an empowered being doesn’t mean that she doesn’t enjoy being taken care of every once in awhile.

Of course, I have had doors held open for me.  My other ex did it all the time, and still does to this day without even thinking about it.  But for me, opening a car door is on a whole other level.  If a man holds open a door for a woman, it’s nice.  But when a man goes out of his way to open a car door, it means something.  It means that he is putting her before himself, not just trying to get a glimpse of her ass as she walks through a doorway (not saying that all men do this, but I have received my fair share of ass-glimpsing disguised by gentlemanly door-holding behavior).

Last night was the first time I had ever had a car door opened for me in my twenty-one years, and I certainly hope it is not the last time.  Yes, I am strong-willed and blunt.  Yes, I enjoy speaking my mind.  Yes, I can open doors myself, thank you very much.  But yes, I do enjoy these small chivalrous gestures every once in awhile.  Men, don’t think your women won’t appreciate it.

What are your thoughts on chivalry?

Holly, not Hollie

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Six Things I Love Monday: June 4th

I have had no motivation lately.  No motivation to eat, no motivation to exercise, and certainly no motivation to blog.  But, seeing as today is Monday, it’s the start of a new week and a better me.  I need to get my shit together and start living life with a purpose.  So, clearly I need to start by posting my six things I love for last week!

 

1. Bloody Marys

Yum yum!

Why? This last week, I have drank more than I care to admit, and I have been consistently waking up with excrutiating hangovers.  Luckily for me (not so much for my liver), I love tomato juice and I have taken it upon myself to learn how to make a bomb-ass Bloody Mary.  So delicious, and my throbbing head always thanks me afterward. (P.s. Don’t judge me.  You were all young once.)

 

2. Balconies

Now, if only I lived on a beach…

Why? Okay, I know this seems like a weird one.  Like, what’s so special about a balcony?  Let me tell you.  I used to live in an apartment without one, and I’m a smoker.  Also, did I mention I lived on the fifth floor?  Although my legs were super toned by the end of the year, I hated walking down and up all those stairs just to have a cigarette.  I know a lot of you are thinking, “What a good reason to quit!”  Trust me, I tried.  Cigarette-less Holly is someone no one wants to be around.  Anywho, I’ve been hanging out with a friend who has a balcony at his apartment, and I have come to realize that it’s pretty much a necessity for me the next time I move.  The convenience is amazing, and sometimes you would just rather sit outside, cigarette in hand or not.

 

3. Marshall’s

Why? I just went there today, and I am in love with how cheap it is!  My closest store is about 30 minutes from my house, but it is completely worth the drive to get such good deals.  I bought the cutest white lace dress from there today for $29.99, originally $65!  So amazing.

 

4. Maxi Dresses

Ugh. I need that middle one.

Why? In the spirit of summer, I have taken it upon myself to collect these wardrobe staples.  Solid, patterned, neon…you name it, I probably have it.  While I do love to show off my legs, sometimes you just need a good maxi dress to switch things up.

 

5. Color Club’s Age of Aquarius Polish

Why? This is easily one of my favorite summer polishes.  So bright and so fun.  I have a lot of white and black summer clothes for some reason, so it’s always nice to have that little pop of color on my nails so my overall appearance isn’t too drab.

 

6. Frame Park

Why? This is easily one of my top five favorite places in the world, which is saying something because I’ve actually been out of the country.  It’s about fifteen minutes from my house, and there’s a huge path that stretches around the entire park. I love spending an afternoon walking by the river, visiting the little shoppes down the road, and enjoying the sunshine and good company.  So peaceful and beautiful.

Holly, not Hollie

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Tough

Tough is the only way to describe this past week.  I have had so many thoughts running through my head at any given moment, to the point where I honestly believe my brain will just shut down to give me a break.  Of course, that hasn’t happened yet.

Things haven’t been the same with my boyfriend and mine’s relationship in awhile.  We have become so comfortable and so stuck in routine that I now consider him more of a friend than my boyfriend.  So on Sunday, I suggested that he move back to his house for awhile, just so we could kind of gather our thoughts and take a step back.  My first night sleeping alone without him next to me was, as terrible as it makes me feel, a relief.  I was shocked to learn that I simply did not miss him.  Amongst this feeling of relief was also a stronger, more troubling thought.  How can I not miss someone that I have been with for two years?  We have been attached at the hip for so long, and now that he’s gone, how terrible of a person must I be to not even miss him?

That thought stuck with me since Sunday, so on Tuesday, I broke it off.  I told him that we needed our own identities and we need to be able to find happiness outside of each other, which is completely true.  After two years of being together day in and day out, we have lost ourselves to each other, and not in a good way.  I couldn’t go out with friends without worrying if he’d be mad when I got home because I was an hour late.  I had to stay home while he was at work because I didn’t want to make him feel bad that I was having fun without him.  It was messed up.  I know he wasn’t blatantly attempting to control me, but I began to feel as if dealing with the repercussions of, say, staying out until bar close with my friends wasn’t worth the fun I might have.  I changed to accommodate his feelings, but I lost myself in the process.

As if this wasn’t complicated enough, all of these things have been accompanied by the return of my ex.  We hung out recently with a bunch of our friends, and by the end of the night he was begging me to come back to him.  Normally I would brush this off and blame it on the alcohol that was involved, but he has been talking to me every day since.  Since I’m already rambling I will spare you the details, but I know he’s sincere when he says he wants to be with me again.

I haven’t eaten or slept in four days.  I am just beside myself, unable to handle all of these emotions.  I feel so terribly for my boyfriend, or ex I guess, because he is just so upset with what has happened.  I feel like a horrible person for dropping so much on him, and now I’ve kind of backed myself into a corner by saying that this isn’t permanent and it’s necessary for us to take a step back, just to spare his feelings.  I hate seeing him so upset, but the reality is that I don’t think I want to be with him anymore.  Also, I have had such a great time with the old ex, and it has been years since we dated so I know things could be different this time.  It is just so refreshing to have someone tell you how great you are after being stuck in such a difficult relationship for so long.

But I don’t know what to do.

And I’m tired of making myself sick over it.

And I’m just going to shut up now.

If you somehow made it to the end of this post, I commend you.  I don’t think I’ll even be able to read this through, so my apologies for completely wasting your time with this one.  I promise my next post will not be so…ridiculous.

Holly, not Hollie 

 

EDIT: I just saw my horoscope for today after writing this post.  Just thought I should share the irony with you guys.

You are feeling at peace and very good about yourself now. Others express appreciation for the help and support you have given them, which makes you feel that your efforts have been worthwhile. Your daily life and activities run smoothly and everything is in good working order. You are particularly well-organized now and your domestic life is harmonious.
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Aw, You Shouldn’t Have!

The past couple of days have been kind of rough for me (hence my lack of posting), so I was so pleased to log onto WordPress today and see that Tomarto Soup had nominated me for the One Lovely Blog Award!

Nominated by Tomarto Soup

This is my first award, so I’m very excited.  I would really like to thank Tomarto Soup for nominating me.  It’s nice to know that the things I post on here are actually read (and enjoyed!) by someone.

That said, apparently it is required to share a few little facts about myself, so here goes.

Reveal seven unknown facts about yourself

  1. My middle name is Kathleen.  I was named after my great-grandma who has since passed away, and my parents were debating between her first name, Ruth, or middle name, Kathleen.  I thank my lucky stars every day that they chose the latter.
  2. I am obsessed with HGTV (although I’m sure some of you have figured this out by now).  I will drop everything to watch House Hunters, Property Brothers, or Love It or List It.  It’s kind of sad, actually.
  3. I have clubbed thumbs (also known as toe thumbs), which are the same kind of thumbs that Megan Fox has.  Yes, they look weird, but I can still do the same things as anyone with normal thumbs.  Although texting sometimes gets difficult.
  4. I tore my ACL and broke my hand from playing rugby in high school.
  5. I am 5’8 (1.72 m) and my boyfriend is 5’10.  This has become somewhat of a problem since summer began, because I can’t wear wedges without him feeling emasculated.  This is also a problem because I am a shopping addict, and can’t help but buy new wedges every chance I get.
  6. I have my ears and my belly button pierced.  It literally took years to convince my mom about the navel piercing, only to have her tell me how cute it looked after I finally did it.
  7. I taught myself how to knit, and I’m hoping to teach myself how to sew and crochet by the end of the summer.

I am also supposed to nominate seven other blogs for this award.  So, in no particular order…

  1. George. Jessie. Love.  I am in love with this woman’s story.  Her blog details her daughter’s transition from male to female at the young age of ten years old.  It is truly inspiring and intriguing to read about this firsthand experience with a transgendered child, and I wish her all the best.
  2. weekendknitterblog  It’s no secret that I love everything knitting, so when I saw this blog on Freshly Pressed, I was ecstatic.  I’m nowhere near as creative as she is, but her blog always gives me ideas and definitely makes me want to start spinning my own wool!
  3. Self Professed Product Obsessed In addition to knitting, I love makeup.  Therefore, I love this blog.  Malia is always giving reviews and posting her thoughts about different hair, face, nail, you-name-it products.  She has become my go-to blog for everything beauty related.
  4. Jody Blonde  Caution: this girl is funny!  I am always laughing when I read her blog and I love how down-to-earth she seems.  She writes about anything and everything, and I always look forward to her blog posts.
  5. Blogging Runner  I am always so impressed with this girl’s motivation.  Once known as The Weight Run Down, Blogging Runner is always listing her accomplishments regarding working out, eating, and overall obstacles she encounters in her daily life.  Since the beginning of her blogging journey, she has lost a lot of weight, and reading her blog always makes me feel like if she can do it, I can do it too.
  6. kaftan to bikini This girl is always posting inspirational quotes and pictures to aid her on her weight loss journey.  What she might not know, though, is that those quotes are helping people like me too.  I think it’s super important to have access to these little bits of motivation, especially when you’re not feeling all that great about working out or eating healthy.  Her blog is really great for people who need that little extra pick-me-up to get moving.
  7. Hummusbird  I love this blog.  Brigette is always posting such pretty things, whether it be pictures she took while walking around town or crafty, neat ideas to spice up a room.  This is the ultimate inspiration blog, in my opinion, and I always love everything she posts.

Once again, I really appreciate this nomination and I am so glad to be able to share these other blogs that I love with you guys!

Hope you’re all having a great Memorial Day!

Holly, not Hollie

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Only One Exam and Paper To Go…

I think this is the longest I’ve gone without posting since I started this blog.  I remember when I first started blogging a few months ago, I had convinced myself that I would post every day, no matter what, about interesting and insightful topics.

Then life got in the way.

This week is my finals week.  Yesterday consisted of a four page paper, an exam, and two reviews and memos for other classmates.  Today will be finishing up my fifteen page paper for my Social Media class (I’m at six pages right now) and taking my final exam for another class.  Then I will officially be done with my junior year of college, which sounds really scary to me.

Last week was a lot of the same.  Trying to get things together for peer reviews, studying for Biology and Environmental Science, and catching up on all of the articles I skipped for my film class.  I was really going strong until spring break (which, mind you, was about two months ago).  After that, my motivation essentially became nonexistent, which is why I am now frantically trying to get my shit together before the semester ends.

My life at this point.

On a lighter note, during this crazy past week, I still managed to create a really beautiful afghan for my boyfriend’s mom for Mother’s Day.  Once again, I finished it at the eleventh hour, with literally an hour to spare.  And, once again, I didn’t have the time to take a decent picture of it, mostly because for each picture I put up on here, I take about fifteen others that I discard due to lighting, blurriness, etc.  I really just need a new camera.  Or maybe I need to learn to take better pictures.  Nah, let’s blame the camera.

Unfortunately, my relentless studying has also pushed my P90X workouts to the back burner.  I completed four workouts in the last week, which isn’t bad, but I definitely don’t have the results to show for it.  I have lost no weight, no inches, no nothing.  I’m pretty sure my vegging out while studying probably counteracted anything I burned during the workouts.  This week should be better, since my boyfriend will be participating more now that he’s done with school and has more free time.  He’s pretty much my main motivator when it comes to working out, so I’m really relying on him to continue this P90X journey with me.

I hope you all had a great Mother’s Day and weekend!

Holly, not Hollie

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I Might Have the Best Job Ever

No really, it’s true.  Thanks to Elance, I just got hired as a personal dating assistant.

I know what you’re thinking.  Is that even real? Or, how does that work? Or even perhaps, where can I sign up?

My “manager” (that sounds way too weird for the circumstances) posted an ad on Elance for someone to manage her and her boyfriend’s dating life.  He has a dating assistant too, so essentially, we just come up with fun, adventurous ideas for dates and send them there.  Oh, and did I mention I’m getting paid $10 an hour to do this?

I know.  It’s unreal.

We had a nice little Skype interview, since she, her boyfriend, and the other assistant all live in New York while I’m stuck out in Wisconsin.  They both seem really fun and spunky and I can’t wait to get started.  It’s almost like living vicariously through them, since I am nowhere near wealthy enough to go out on the dates that I’ve already got cooked up for them.

The other dating assistant and I also are in charge of some different social media sites on which we keep track of everything we’re doing in this unique experience.  You can check them out here:

Banter: https://banters.com/wall/secretary-of-romance
Another Banter for the assistants: http://thehelp.banters.com

Tumblr: http://secretaryofromance.tumblr.com (nothing up here yet, but stay tuned!)

Another thing you guys should check out is Bianca (that’s my…manager?)’s tumblr.  So creative and fun!

Well that’s all for today!  Hope you all had a wonderful Wednesday!

Holly, not Hollie

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Birthday Post

It’s official: I’m 21 years old!  Never thought this day would come, but boy am I glad it did.

Me, come the weekend.

Unfortunately, my birthday happened to fall on a Tuesday this year, so I won’t be able to really make my debut in the bar scene until Friday.  However, I did have my first bar experience at 12 am last night, at a little dive bar near my house.  There were about six other middle-aged people there, all of whom were drunk as skunks.  Kind of awkward, but I got a free Jaegerbomb and free pool out of it, so I’m not gonna complain.

As for today, I am currently waiting for my boyfriend to get done with class so he can take me shopping as a birthday present.  I can hear the collective gasps already: he didn’t get you anything?!  Some girls like flowers and jewelry and surprises.  I like being able to buy whatever my heart desires, courtesy of my boyfriend’s credit card.

Since I’m shopping later, I’ll definitely be posting my haul either later today or tomorrow.  Stay tuned!

Holly, not Hollie

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Six Things I Love Sunday: April 22

Happy Sunday everyone!  I hope you’ve all had a good weekend so far.  Here’s my six things for this Sunday.

 

1. H&M

Why? I’m kind of a late bloomer when it comes to H&M, but lately, I make a beeline towards this store every time I find myself at the mall.  The clothes are so cheap and so cute, and you’ll never find anything cookie-cutter there, which is awesome.  The only problem I have with this store is that it can be hard to find a size because everything is so picked through, but that’s not necessarily the store’s fault.  Overall, I think it’s safe to say that this is my new favorite store.

 

2. Cho by Zoya

Why? I ordered this from Birchbox and just received it in the mail on Friday, and I am in love with the color.  For me, it’s the perfect color for a neutral polish.  I was a little disappointed that I had to paint on three coats for a good color, but for spending only $1 (I used my Birchbox points!), I’m pretty pleased.

 

3. Luke Bryan

Whatta hottie.

Why? I cannot get enough of his music lately.  Aside from the fact that he is incredibly easy on the eyes, I can’t wait for summer so I can roll down the windows and blast his music for all of the world to hear.  Plus, I can’t stop listening to this song.

 

4. PINK Crop Tees

Why? Okay, okay.  I know a couple weeks back I posted about how I love everything PINK, but I swear, this isn’t a repeat!  I have three of these shirts, and I think they’re just perfect for a day at the beach.  Granted, there haven’t been many beach days in Wisconsin yet, but I’ve been wearing them around the house almost everyday in anticipation of warmer days.  Plus, I love how versatile it is.  It looks great off the shoulder or hanging low in the front or back.  Plus, if you’re like me and don’t have a super-flat stomach, it still provides enough coverage so you don’t feel like your belly is all exposed and whatnot.

 

5. Marley and Me

 

Why? I know this movie had been out for quite awhile, but I’m talking about the book, not the film.  I just got done reading it on my Nook, and I’m not going to lie, I teared up at the end.  I’m a huge dog lover, so I probably shouldn’t have read this book to begin with since I knew the ending, but it was worth it.  If you have only see the movie, I definitely recommend you read the book too.  So much better.

 

6. Tamales

Why? I’ll admit, this is a kind of random thing to post, but I went out for Mexican with my mom last night and had the most delicious tamales.  It’s basically some sort of meat (I had chicken) rolled up in cornmeal dough, then baked in a corn husk.  So tasty, and easily one of my favorite foods.

What are you loving right now?

Holly, not Hollie

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Greetings From My New Macbook Pro!

So, my mom decided to surprise me today and take me to the Apple Store so I could pick out my new Mac.  If you recall my post from earlier this week, I was debating between the Macbook Pro and Air, and, as you can see from the title, I ended up with the 15″ Macbook Pro.  I’ve literally used it for about the last fifteen minutes, but so far, I’m in love.

Hope you are all having a great weekend!

Holly, not Hollie

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